Thursday, June 16, 2011

Idea # 12- The 100% GAY Cookbook

Yes folks- why not hit that market that loves a good glazed donut?
I'm taking fried bananas with 2 breaded walnuts.
Rainbow cake.
Hotdogs with chowder sauce.
Crotch soup.
Brautwirst with darkened angel hair pasta.
The works- go for it!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Idea #10- HACKEY snacks

Lunchable-type foods that you KICK up into your mouth (or your friend's mouth).
Snacks that you kick like hackey SACKS!


Stable, round shaped foods, like rice-krispie-type balls or even firm meatballs.

The pack comes with a plastic shoe-covering 'sock' for sanitary purposes.

The whole idea is that the kids waste half of the food by kicking it and missing it.

Just imaging the cool kids commercial with 80's style mall rats doing impossible kicks and munching down on their snacks-
(and don't forget the 5-second rule! sometimes a missed kick is still a WIN!!!)

idea number nine- EXTREME salt!!!!

You've had food that was WAAAAYYYY too spicy, yes?
Too HOT for your sissy tongue?
Maybe you've had a super SOUR warhead or like-tasting candy that made you pucker your lips up like a buns-hole???
Well, what about a double chocolate fudge cake with dark chocolate frosting?


Fine man, fine... But what about MY cravings? SALTY snacks!
Where are my EXTREMELY salty snacks? I mean, not the regular salty- but the EXTREME salty? So salty that people dare their friends to try them? So salty they burn a hole in your tongue? So salty that bison come up and lick your lips after you've eaten them?

I am taking EXTREME salt.

Encrusted with salt and then drizzled with liquid sodium.


IDEA #8- NAPskins

Ok, when you were a kid you LOVED wiping your dirty face/ mouth just right on your arm, didn't you?

I know I did.

Loved it.

Let us keep the intent of this basic action alive into adulthood.
NAPSKINS- napkins made out of a synthetic-skin-like material.

Moist, durable, and skin-like.

You know you'd try them.


IDEA#7- The iPatch

Why not make an iPod that you can wear over one eye? You can watch videos, etc... and listen to music while keeping one eye open and navigating you-

Yeah, you will have to train your brain to focus on 2 things at once, but come on! That is evolution... Right now I am typing this while watching He-Man cartoons, so, yeah, people do this already... and kids are focusing on 3-4 things simultaneously all the time.

The world is ripe for this idea.

Do it.


MILLION DOLLAR IDEA #6- Cheesy Chinesey

WTF? Just take a look at all of these cultures with CHEESY FOODS.

Spaghetti with Parm- ITALIAN

The FRENCH invented Bleu Cheese and the Cordon Bleu concept.

MEXICAN food (at least the Americanized version) is .s.a.t.u.r.a.t.e.d. with cheese- tacos, burritos, chimi-chimi-changas!!!

Ever heard of DENMARK with its cheese danish?

And how about us AMERICANs, with our cheeseburgers, cheese puffs, and cheese fries...

WHY oh WHY is there not ONE SINGLE chinese food dish that features this culinary wonder???
Let us cross the borders and unite the globe by pioneering this INFUSION, this CONfusion, this blurring of imaginary lines...



IDEA #5- Glow Photo Paper

So, the big difference between seeing a picture on your computer and seeing it 'in print' is that your computer is LITERALLY GLOWING from behind with its back-lighting... Ever printed out a picture that was FINE on your screen and just TOO DARK once you printed it???

Yeah, me too.

And so has every one else.

So why not invent some paper that 'glows'? We have the technology. My little kid has a sword that glows that I bought at the dollar store... It wouldn't even have to 'glow' forever, the original gimmick would generate enough sales to hire a scientist to figure it out...
Or just start out with battery operated BACKLIT frames-

(damn, is that another, separate idea???)


Monday, June 13, 2011

IDEA #4- BRUNCHables

Ok, so hit the British New Next Wave with these snacks inspired by that land across the pond-
Cucumber finger sandwiches with no crust
Almond Biscotti
Earl Grey tea juice pack
Faux lace napkin


For kids with fake accents!!!

IDEA #3- Skittles for Adults

YES! A sophisticated taste for a sophisticated audience... No fruity tooty here, no, these Skittles will taste like CONDIMENTS.
Dijon Mustard
Blue Cheese
Barbeque Sauce

Even if they taste like shit, people will buy them to try them.

You get paid even if 1/2 the bag ends up in the trash!

IDEA #2- Lead Lined Cell Phone Holder

Are you serious??? These things might be giving us CANCER?!?!?!?! I KNEW IT!!!! Well, why not beat the bubble and play to people's fears and make a bullet-proof-vest-style thinly lead-lined cell phone holder that will prevent radiation from sizzling people's private parts when the phone is not in use?

Call it THE VEST.
It protects.
The belt clip should even be a V-shape to go with the name.

IIDEA #1-Solar Blades

I love these things... But why aren't the BLADES (and base) just covered with solar panels? Twice the passive energy gathering capacity!!!!

Million Dollar Ideas

Go ahead and take these ideas, I come up with a million million dollar ideas an hour... I am just not interested in doing any of them- so, go make your millions- just cut me a check when you're done.

Print this out and keep it in your legal file.
I won't sue you.
I give these ideas to you freely.
(... but I am serious about the check writing at some point....)

Monday, June 6, 2011

She is a piece of work...

... I haven't finished with her yet...

Miscellaneous Sculptings

Some projects for my sculpture class....

Gnomey, dont'cha know me?

Gnome made for an example in my sculpture class....

Collab Show

Up at the gallery on 640 STARK street through the month of JUNE... MONTY's debut as an artist!!!!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

black cherry monty baby is a POP star... in stores this summer....